Keep Holding On
by MudbloodAndAGoofball
Summary: Hermione lost everything in the war. She was starting to lose control. When she's had enough, who will be the only one to save her? Hermione is kinda OOC in this one, Draco maybe a little too, but I'm quite proud of this, give it ago?
1. Chapter1: Something Wicked This Way Come

**Keep Holding On**

M for language and adult themes.

**Pairings:** Dramione, Ginny/Harry

**Summery:**_ Hermione isn't the same girl she used to be. She's been abused and tortured during the war. She saw her friends die, she saw her home fall apart. She can't handle her fights with her boyfriend, Ron, and the boys need her help with the simpilist tasks. She's had enough. When she attempts suicide and fails, who will be there to pull her out of her depression? And will Draco be able to stop the man who made her world fall apart when he comes back for more?_

**Chapter One**- Something Wicked This Way Comes.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters in this story. The only thing I own is the plot line of this fic. I don't own any songs, books or movies mentioned in this fic and I don't own the songs on which these chapters are based. **

**A/N: **Please R&R. I want opinions! Each chapter is based on a song, weather it looks like it or not. This one is based loosely on Jar Of Hearts (mostly because I was listening to it at the time) I'm not sure why I've named this chapter "Something Wicked This Way Comes" but there you go. I'll give you a link to the fan mix that accompanies this fic when it's finished.

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><p>Back for another year at Hogwarts, my last one.<p>

I wondered around the grounds, watching the leaves fall of trees, floating so softly to the ground. I didn't mind the way the cold cut through my thin jumper, I like the cold. It reminded me of when Mum, Dad and I went camping when I was younger. Everyone else was inside, Ginny, Harry and Ron were studying in the library with Draco Malfoy. He'd ended up being quite helpful during the war and became good friends with us all, even me. He called me Granger now, instead of 'Mudblood'. It was a great improvement, I guess he worked out I didn't need reminding ten times a day when I only had to look at my arm.

I'd reached the edge of the forest by now. I touched my arm with thinking about it. It didn't happen much, only on the occasion when I was totally alone, which for me, seemed a lot these days.  
>I'd never felt so bad before, like being surrounded by Dementors, seeing and feeling them at every turn. I knew what they called it in the Muggle world, but I wasn't strong enough to admit it yet.<br>Gryffindor's are meant to be strong and brave, albeit a little stupid at times. I don't know about anyone else, but I didn't feel like I deserved to be there anymore, I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere anymore.

Sighing, I headed back towards the beautiful castle, un-seen to Muggle eyes. It had become a second home to me, but my heart still broke as I walked through it's walls, remembering the beautiful times, seeing the smiling faces that were no longer with us. The war took a toll on all of us, people we loved lost us and new friendships were made. We lost everything, I lost more than some. My parents, my hope, my courage, my innocence.  
>It was taken from me, stolen like piece of precious information from an old, fragile school book in the never ending library of my life.<br>It was only natural, after being subdued to torture that you would try and be strong, I was for a while, I helped everyone with what they did, I helped save the wizarding world …  
>But after a while, you let everyone else's pain and anger flow on to you, you start letting your own anger at the world rear its ugly black head. I never meant for that night to happen, god only knows I'd replayed it enough times in my head. The little piece of metal. Who would of thought that something so small, could have done what it did.<p>

_It was a small class room, close to Professor McGonagall's old office, but rarely ever used. It had enough space for about fifteen students, but the desks were covered in a thick layer of dust. I sometimes came here when I needed to cry, it was better than the Room of Requirement. Much smaller and interment. The windows were bordered up, so no sun light got through. I didn't know that she kept all her Transfiguration papers and books in her old office, if I had of done, I wouldn't have tried that day.  
>It had all gotten the better of me, Ron and I kept fighting, I couldn't stop myself from drifting off to sleep and seeing <em>his _face in my dreams, those eyes that haunted me. I'd toss and turn in my sleep, cry even, knowing that the man that did this to me was still at large.  
>It hadn't taken much to turn a small branch into a small razor, I don't even remember how I'd done it, but I had. I remember sitting down on the ground in the small space I'd cleared for myself in the middle of the room, I remember myself lighting the flame in the jar so I could see, I'd forgotten to lock the door. I remember pulling the razor out and sitting it in front of me. I pulled up my sleeve, the one on the same arm with <em>Mudblood _carved deep into my flesh. I remember picking up the razor, tears falling not so silently down my face. I still remember the way I'd pressed it into my skin on my wrist, above where my heritage could be seen by the world, I dragged the sharp object across my wrist. I let out a heart wrenching cry as blood poured from my wrist. It flowed freely from the wound I'd self-inflicted. I didn't cry from the pain I couldn't feel but from the memories. Being late on a Sunday night, I never expected someone to hear me. So I made another cry, I was shaking from tears, noisy tears that wouldn't stop, I saw his face again in my minds eyes. I sliced, once, twice, three more times until there were five perfect line surrounding the one thing that had and would haunt me for the rest of my life. There was so much blood, and I was crying so hard. There wasn't much light, so when McGonagall opened the door, she had to light the tip of her wand to see. She didn't notice at first, she simply asked what I was doing in an un-used class room, crying. I couldn't answer her, I didn't remember much, but I remember her looking down and seeing the blood and the scars, old and new.  
>The next thing I knew, she was sitting next to me, healing my wounds.<em>

"_What happened?" She asked, shocked at finding me like this._

"_Please don't tell Ron and Harry"_

That had been only a couple of days ago, I hadn't been taken to the Hospital Wing, I had refused to let her take me. McGonagall had done it herself and wasn't quite as good as Madam Pomphrey. My arm would go back to normal after a few days, the scars would remain there but that's about it. The skin will be a bit tender and sore for a few days though.

I heard the bell, and headed back to class, one of my favorites, Transfiguration. I'd promised to talk to Professor McGonagall after the lesson about why I'd done what I did. I knew I could tell her and she wouldn't tell anyone else.  
>I reached the classroom, a seat had been saved for me next to my boyfriend, Ron Weasley. He was a wonderful boyfriend, I made him happy. Which was the only reason I hadn't broken up with him. But we fought a lot. The first thing I noticed that was odd was Malfoy speaking to Professor McGonagall at her desk, she had a worried look in her eyes. I nodded to her on my way past her desk, she nodded back. Malfoy turned and looked at me, he smiled and took his seat.<p> 


	2. Chapter2: Hermione's Tale

**Chapter two: ****Hermione's Story**

**This chapter is dedicated to my lovely Beata Reader, AussieGleekFreak91. She is wonderful. Without her, I wouldn't have chapter 2 :)**

**Enjoy :D**

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><p>The lesson dragged on for the hour. I loved Transfiguration, it was true. But I'd already mastered the tasks set and there wasn't much left to do. When the bell rang at the end of the lesson, the whole class, minus myself, stood up and left the class room.<p>

"I think it would be best if we went to my office Miss Granger. It will be quieter. Mr Malfoy, you may wait outside my office." Professor McGonagall said as she stood from her desk. She was a very elegant woman, kind but with a terrible temper.

I followed her out of the room, Malfoy walked next to me. We were silent for a while before he spoke.

"What do you have to see Professor McGonagall about?" He asked, his hands were behind his back and, because he had to look down to see me properly, his blond hair was hanging in his face. He looked quite handsome.

"Just school work, Head Girl thing. You?" I lied. He was there when it happened, I know he saw the torture but how much after that I have no idea. The idea that he knows and he saw was enough to make me shy away from him forever. We weren't close friends, civil was the word, we didn't hate each other but I felt, after knowing what he'd seen, we could never be close.

"Just talking to her about a student I'm concerned for" he told me. I didn't ask who, it was probably just one of his little friends that didn't understand that he didn't believe all the Pure blood garbage anymore.

We reached the office, Malfoy waited outside and Professor McGonagall held the door opened for me. I entered her office, the one that she used to own before being made Headmistress. It wasn't small but it wasn't overly large either. I remember sitting here at the beginning of my third year when she had given me my Time-Turner. I sat in a seat opposite her desk, I noticed there were two cups waiting there, probably waiting to be filled with a steaming cup of hot coco and a box of tissues. Cleaver, Professor. I thought.

"Miss Granger, you know why you are here. I don't wish to rush you into anything, do please taje your time. I'm very worried about you, Hermione. We haven't been back that long but I've seen you so often since we have, what with the Head's meetings and Transfiguration classes and yet I never noticed something was wrong until I found you… " she trailed off. Apparently unable to find something to say,

"Covered in my own blood and crying my eyes out in the middle of an empty class room?" I offered.

"I wasn't going to put it that way, but yes, that is the general idea." She looked calm, a lot calmer than she had on the night she found me.

"I hadn't meant for you to find me, Professor" I told her. I was looking at my hands, sitting in my lap. My palms were sweaty because I knew what she was going to ask me, and I didn't want to answer it. Sure I trusted her but once she asked a question, it was hard to worm your way out of it and I wasn't a good liar.

"But why, you could have died"

"That was the general idea …" I trailed of. At that time, I had wanted it to end. I didn't want to look at George and see Fred when I knew he wouldn't really be there. I didn't want to walk into the potions class room and think about the man I used to hate, but turned out to be so brave, I didn't want to go to breakfast and see my friends' dead bodies lying on the floor, I didn't want to sleep and hear her voice in my head, her screaming and her laughing as my whole world fell apart, I didn't want to see his eyes, staring into mine every time I closed my eyes! I didn't want to replay that night over and over in my head, to wake up shaking with cold sweat and tears running down my face.

"Why, Hermione? You've got such great friends, a wonderful boyfriend, albeit a little silly, your exceptionally smart and pretty. Why?" She asked me. She looked sad, her head was resting on her folded hands. I sighed, there wasn't much else I could do now, but to tell her. I rolled up my sleeve to reveal the scars, she was trying hard to not let her sadness show on her face, but she wasn't doing too well.

"When we were taken to Malfoy Manor, Bellatrix Lestrange had wanted to speak to me and me alone. She left the others in the room of course, Draco and his mother and father, Fenier Greyback and another wizard I didn't and still don't know. But he scared me. When he first found us, he looked at me as though I was a piece of juicy meat that he would love to sink his teeth into. He got his chance later on. She asked me questions to begin with, I answered them truthfully, she didn't like the answers I gave. She used the cruciates curse on me for several minutes before continuing the questions. I could have dealt with that, I was used to pain but she kept doing it. I was on the floor, screaming. I could hear Ron and Harry screaming, asking for her to stop, but that made it worse and I had no way of telling them to stop. She asked me how a filthy, pathetic, disgusting Mudblood had ever managed to outsmart a witch to steal her power and wand; I begged her to believe that I was born with magic, but she called me a liar, grabbed her wand and held it like a pen. She dug it in to my arm and wrote Mudblood with it." I was crying my eyes out now, McGonagall handed me a tissue that I took. I was shaking, holding my arms folded across my chest, but I continued the story.

"I remember her calling for someone, I can't remember the name. It was him, the other man that I didn't trust, he came towards me with a look on his face like he'd been given all his Christmas's at once, I heard someone say 'No' and the next thing I knew, he … he" I burst into uncontrollable tears. I didn't need to tell her what he'd done; she could work it out for herself. I was shaking so bad and I was pressing my arm too tight against my chest, it was hurting and I was reminded of the night I'd tried to end it.

"Every time I close my eyes, I see his eyes boring into me, I hear her voice in the back of my head, I replay everything that happened in my dreams, I can hear their voices laughing at me. Add to that the Mudblood scar, I'm worried about my NEWTS, the guy who did this to me has never been caught, I don't love my boyfriend in a relationship way but I don't want to hurt him, I can't walk into the Great Hall without seeing half of my friends dead, I don't know where my parents are, Head Girl duties and Ron and Harry always needing me to help them with something whether it be homework or getting out of trouble and I couldn't even sit in the same room as them by myself without having a minor breakdown. I was in over my head, I was tired, scared, hurt … I didn't want it anymore, Professor, I wanted to die." I told her. She had tears in her eyes, she was the first person I'd told, the only one I had trusted enough to know.

"Hermione, I'm truly very sorry. Over the years, you have become one of my favorite students. I always thought of you as family, I never thought for a million years that this would ever happen to you. But I know someone who can help" She stood up, walked to the door and opened it. I heard her whisper a few words and beckon someone inside. Malfoy. I stood up, shaking my head.

"No." I said. I didn't need him, as good a friend as he was, seeing me breakdown and cry, he wasn't meant to know that I'd tried to kill myself.

"No? I don't understand" Professor McGonagall said.

'Granger, you need someone to trust, to talk to" He walked forwards and placed a hand on my shoulder. I snapped. I pulled back faster than I'd ever done and ran from the room, tears pouring down my face.

I'd never felt so exposed.

I stopped running after a while. I didn't know where I was at first. My mind was still rushing. I'd trusted her and she'd told Malfoy.

Yes, Malfoy and I were friends.  
>No, I didn't need nor want him to know I'd attempted suicide.<p>

I was standing outside the Common Room. The Fat Lady was just staring at me, with my flushed cheeks and tear stained face she must of thought something was up. I gave her the password, vaguely remembering doing it. There was, surprisingly, no one in the common room except Ron and Harry and some boy I didn't know. Fuck.

They hadn't noticed me yet, so I walked as quietly as I could. I managed to get past them and up to my dorm. There was no one there. I threw myself down on my bed and cried myself to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3:Tell Him The Truth

**This chapter would not have been complete with out iTummnusXinXNarnia, my amazingly talented beta, AussieGleekFreak91, my good friend Ayla and Battlefield Heart (who wrote a lovely review.) Please R&R people, it'll make Draco and I very happy ;)**

**Enjoy :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: <strong>"Tell Him The Truth"

I woke up the next morning, on top of the covers and still completely clad in my school uniform. Thank God today was Saturday. I could relax a little and read a good book. I sat up slowly, letting the events of yesterday slowly fit back into place. It hit me all like train thumping down a track. I rubbed my palms over my eyes, removing sleep from them as best as I could, stretched and headed for the showers.

I'd said no, but did I mean no? Of course I wanted to stop feeling like this but I didn't need _him_ to know all my problems. I thought it was just going to be Professor McGonagall and I. I stepped into the shower and turned on the hot water, savouring the way it felt as it ran down my back. I thought about what I should do. I might just say no. I mean, unless something major happens I see no reason to need this. All I did was try to kill myself.

_Oh what am I saying? Of course I needed help_.

I got out of the shower and magically dried myself of, brushed my hair and pulled on a pair of jeans, a singlet top that was black and a long sleeved jumper that was pink. It wasn't a horrid pink like what Lavender Brown wore, but a pale-ish pink. I pulled on a pair of sneakers and headed down stairs to the Great Hall for breakfast. I felt as though everyone was staring at me, even though I knew no one was. I'd felt like that since the war. It was irrational fear, to be honest.

The doors to The Great Hall were hung open as normal, the sun was shining brightly from the bewitched the ceiling. The Gryffindor table wasn't quite full and I could see where a seat had been left for me beside Ginny, across from Draco who was sitting next to Ron and Harry. Nobody cared which table you sat at anymore, but I wished he wouldn't sit with us. I didn't want to sit across from him, but there wasn't much choice.

"Morning all" I said as I took my seat. I pulled a plate with two slices of toast towards me and some butter on my knife.

"Morning, Mione" Ron said, smiling at me. I smiled back at him and took up conversation with Ginny about Runes and Transfiguration classes. Both of which we had homework for. I'd already finished most of mine but Ginny needed help. I was half way through explaining a group of runes to translate when I was interrupted by Draco.

"So, Granger. McGonagall said six o'clock in either her old office, the room of requirement or that little room near her old office" he said shovelling bacon in his mouth. That little room. Why would McGonagall decide on there? Was she trying to torture me? I had tensed up at the sound of that room. Was he going to spill everything?

"One, you know perfectly well what happened in there and second, Malfoy, I said no" I turned my attention to another piece of toast.

"Goddamn it Granger" Malfoy said. I looked up at him and stared him down. I looked him dead in the eyes, he stared back. I should have looked away then, because if I had done so, Ron wouldn't have asked what was wrong. Thus I wouldn't have had to lie to him. It was like watching a tragic car crash. Like when a train crashes and kills hundreds. You know you should look away but you can't. Whether it's the fear of seeing someone you know or the fact everything is so silent, you just can't look away.

"You okay Hermione? Why would you need to be meeting with, Malfoy?" Ron asked me. I broke our stare and looked, lovingly at my boyfriend.

"He's really falling behind in Transfiguration, so Professor McGonagall asked me to help him. I told her I couldn't help because I already have a lot going on but he's persistent" I turned my head back to him and sent a ferocious glare his way. He held up his hands in an innocent gesture, Ron just made a silent O of understanding with his lips and went back to eating his eggs.

"We both know I need it, Granger. You need this just as much" He whispered to me.

"Piss off"

"Feisty"

"Fuck You, Malfoy"

"Gladly" he mumbled.

"What was that?" I asked, had he said what I thought he'd said.

"Nothing. Are you going to come or not." I stood up from the table before I spoke.

'No' I said.

'I'll see you at six O'clock' he said after I'd moved a few steps.

"I'm not coming" I called back.

'Oh, but you will" he smirked and I left the Great Hall, headed to the library and made a start on my History of Magic essay.

At about quarter to six, I made my way to the old empty class room where Draco was already waiting. I knew I said I wouldn't go but I wanted to see what he'd though was going to help me.  
>It was lighter in here, someone had taken the boards of the windows and I could see out. I sighed. Either Draco or McGonagall had moved the desks and chairs and put a coffee table and two large arm chairs in the middle of the room. A fire that was in the wall was a blaze and I wondered why I hadn't noticed it before. I looked around the rest of the room. He's made it quiet cosy, actually. There was a shelf of books, a kettle and some water. I smiled inwardly when I saw Draco standing with his back to me, appearing to be making a pot of tea. I sat in one of the armchairs. It resembled the ones in Hagrid's cabin but was a lot cushier. I crossed my legs underneath me and leaned back. I feared for a moment that'd I'd fall through the back it was so soft. Draco turned around and dropped his cup of tea.<p>

"God, Granger, I didn't hear you come in" He grabbed his chest over his heart. His hair was messed up, like he'd run his hands through it. He wasn't as pale as he used to be and with the pale light from the moon beaming through the window, he looked quite handsome.

"Sorry" I apologised.

"Don't be. I just didn't expect you to turn up, is all" He told me, sitting the pot of tea on the table and sitting in the chair opposite me.

"Yes you did. Otherwise you wouldn't have made a pot of tea, you would have only made yourself a cup" I told him.

"You're very observant." He noted. We sat in an awkward silence for about five minutes before he spoke again.

"It was a nice day today, don't you think?" He asked. I sighed and put down my half-drunk cup of tea.

"I know you said you'd help me, Malfoy, but do you even know where to start?" I asked, looking and sounding sceptical.

"I know what to do, but I want you to feel comfortable before we get started, now, apparently we start by making a list of the problems you want to concur." He pulled out a piece of parchment and an old black quill. I looked down at my hands folded in my lap. I had a feeling that I should be better friends with him first.

"What's the first thing you want to fix" He asked licking the end of his quill, dipping it in ink and writing the number 'One' on his parchment.

"Can we start with the smaller things first?" I asked, looking up at him. My voice sounded small even to me, like a frightened child. I was a frightened child.

"Of course, but I need to know what's the worst thing first and put that as number one. We have to list them in the order of worst to least worrying" He told me as if he were an expert on this matter. Perhaps he was, like I said, we weren't exactly friends. We were civil, no we are Doctor and patient. I didn't answer. He knew why we were here.

"Okay, then. Why don't you tell me why we're here?" He said, I looked at him like he was stupid. I was sick of playing games so I was blunt.

"We're here, Malfoy, because I tried to kill myself. In this room actually, so if we can get this over with sooner rather than later it would be much appreciated." He flinched when I said I'd tried to kill myself but I hadn't broken my gaze with his.

"Why did you attempt suicide?" He asked. As if he didn't know. He was there. He just sat there and stared as my world divided.

"Because I was tortured, raped, tired, stressed and I felt alone. Okay?" I knew I sounded cruel but I didn't care. He knew what had happened.

"Shall we put the rape and torture as number one then?" He asked and scribbled on the sheet. I felt that, had this been anyone else, there would have been a hint of laughter in his voice, but he was being very serious about the whole thing. "What's next?"

"Ron" I said.

"Ron?"

"Yes. I don't love him in that way, but I'm too afraid to hurt his feelings and I can't stand to be alone with him. Or you actually, so a little faster please, Malfoy." I said. I noticed him write Ron's name as number two on the list. I wasn't sure why, but I felt oddly comfortable telling him about my problems.

"Have you thought about telling him you can't be in a relationship right now?" He seemed totally non-nonchalant that I told him I couldn't stand to be alone in this room with him. I knew he had a lot of girlfriends, so he'd probably had this advice given to him by his friends and then handed it on to Blaise's and Nott's girlfriends.

"Did I not just say that I can't hurt him?" I repeated myself.

"Yes, and you wouldn't be, you'd be telling him something he needs to know."

"And what am I meant to tell him? What am I meant to give as my reason for not wanting to be in a relationship?" I snapped.

"Tell him the truth"

"Oh great conversational topic, Malfoy. 'Ron, I can't be in a relationship with you right now because on top of the fact that I don't actually love you, I'm stressed, I was raped and even though I know you or Harry or Malfoy won't hurt me, I can't stand to be left alone in a room with you'" I threw my hands in the air. They made a slight slapping noise when they hit my thighs. He was doodling on his pad, what though, I couldn't see and to be honest I didn't care.

"Look, Granger. You came here for me to help you. If you don't want to listen to what I have to say, leave" He said. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. He looked at me, his eyes running over my face but constantly running back to my eyes. Trying to make contact but not getting any.

"I do want your help, Malfoy. I just don't know how to tell him" I said.

"Do it tomorrow at breakfast, he'll understand. Besides, I'll be there as will Harry, Ginny and Luna. McGonagall will be there as well. Your perfectly safe" I made a sound half way between a laugh and a snort. Sure I was safe, that's what I told my parents when I was learning spells and look at the situation I'd landed myself in.

"Fine, tomorrow morning it is then. I'm going to bed. Good night, Malfoy" I said. I stood, heading for the door. I placed my hand on his shoulder for a few a minutes and stared into his questioning grey eyes. I smiled and left the room. The moment I stepped outside the door, I cried. Thank god that was over, and that was an easy one! I'd never felt so intimidated and exposed it my life. I was heading towards Gryffindor tower when I saw Ron waiting at the bottom of some stairs, apparently waiting for me. I smiled a little and wiped my tears away.

"Ron, what are you doing?" I asked with a laugh.

"Waiting for my girlfriend." He said. I tensed a little and sat on the step next to him.

"Yeah, about that." I said, wrapping my arms around my knees and bringing them up to my chest. Was he totally oblivious to the fact I'd been crying? "Ron, you know how I've been really stressed lately?" I asked, he nodded. "Well, I can't handle anything at the moment. Even school work has become a struggle"

"What are you saying, Mione?" He asked looking confused. I hated hurting him, but Malfoy was right. I couldn't keep doing something I was uncomfortable with.

_What's wrong with me? Did I just say Malfoy was right?_

"I need a break. From homework, from school, from teachers and from … us" I put my head down, I was crying again.

"You want to break up?" He asked looking puzzled. I was crying so hard I couldn't speak so I simply nodded. He put one arm around me in a hug and squeezed me.

"I thought you would. I've known something was up, you weren't yourself. Sitting in the corner most nights with your head in a book that I've seen you read about fifty times. You hardly speak to anyone; your eyes are almost always bloodshot. I know there is something more than stress but I understand that you don't want to talk about it. Just remember that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm right here. Always" He smiled at me, I smiled back and for the first time in ages I felt safe.


	4. Chapter 4: So Am I

**Hey guys! Sorry about the long wait but I've been really busy with school, friends and a few personal problems and I haven't been able to send this one to my beta. I've read over it a couple of times and I really hope it's okay. Chapter 5 is done and I'm getting around to re-reading and editing it as best as I can. R&R so I know what ya'll think? I love you all **

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><p>Safe feeling is officially gone. After Ron's and my conversation last night, I went back to the common room and to bed without any problems or complications. I didn't cry myself to sleep, I just slept.<br>That's when the problems started.

_I was standing in a long corridor; at least it appeared to be fairly long. I could see a crack of light spilling out of one of the rooms and I ran towards it. I felt thirsty for the sun. Like I'd been hidden away from it for a long time. I opened to door to the sound of a piercing laugh. I'd heard it before a hundred times or more. I shuddered all over, not being able to see the maker of this laugh was giving me the creeps. I looked all around the room but the only person in there was me, or so I thought._

"_Hello, Beautiful" I heard from the door way. I screamed as I spun around to find my attacker in the door way. He stepped towards me, I stepped back. My back was against the wall now, I had nowhere to run. _

"_Aw, don't be scared of me, you know me, pretty" He was right in front of me. I screamed. His eyes were the last thing I saw. _

I was lying on my back, covered in a thin layer of cold sweat. My blankets were pushed down around my feet, my arms above my head. I was crying. I rolled over to look at the clock on my bed. It was two thirty in the morning. Shit. I didn't bother trying to get back to sleep after that. I simply pulled on some jeans, a t-shirt, grabbed a good book and headed into the common room. I read my book until it was time to eat breakfast. I went to the library first to return my book before realising my arm wasn't covered. Thankfully the library wasn't open so I left the book in the returns box outside the door and ran as fast as I could back to my dorm. I ran into Harry and Ron on the way.

"Hey, Mione." Ron said, giving me a hug. I made sure my left arm was pinned firmly to my side.

"Are you coming to the hall for breakfast?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, soon. I just want to grab a jumper." I rubbed the top of my left arm to make it look like I was cold. Harry nodded before turning and walking in the opposite direction to me. Ron was waving his hands trying to demonstrate something and I smiled. I got to my dorm where I found Ginny sitting on top of her bed, apparently waiting for me.

"I knew you'd come back" She said before I had a chance to open my mouth.

"How?" She threw my jumper at me and smiled.

"It's cold" She laughed. I pulled it over my head, smiling at how smart my friend was. We left the common room together talking and laughing about the latest Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin where the seeker come Capitan was knocked of his broom by a stray bludger. It was the last time I'd laugh today.

We got to the hall and there was a faint, scared whisper floating around. One that I hadn't heard in months. Ginny sat down next to Harry, who was reading the Daily Prophet, frowning.

"What's going on?" I asked. I saw Malfoy looking at me over the top of his own paper and standing, but Harry told me what was wrong before Malfoy managed to stop him.

"That snatcher that caught us, the one that was never caught was apparently spotted in Duff Town." Harry told me, showing me the front of the paper. Sure enough, the front page was nearly covered with a large photo of the man whom I feared. He was smirking at me, the smirk I'd seen a million times in my dreams. You never really know how you're going to feel when you see the man who raped you again. It's a mix of hate and stomach gripping sickness. I wanted to scream and cry and throw up all at the same time. I looked up at the teachers table to see McGonagall looking around the hall, apparently she'd just read the article as well.

"Hermione? Earth to Hermione, are you all right?" Ron asked. I didn't answer. Malfoy was standing next to me now.

"Granger, I'm so sorry" He whispered. I shook my head, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes.

"So am I." I said. I didn't look back at the others, I just turned around and left. I heard Harry and Ginny call my name but I just needed to be alone. I headed out the front doors, I felt eyes burning into the back of my head and I knew I was being paranoid. I wanted to lock myself in a room by myself and not leave until I knew he was in Azkaban or dead. I knew that I could now find out his name. All I had to do was turn around and walk back but I couldn't face the questions and to be honest, I didn't want to look at his face anymore. I reached the edge of the forest; this was somewhere I hadn't been in a while. I went in a few feet, not caring really if I got lost. I knew I wouldn't because I could still see the school from where I was sitting but I felt lost. I felt as if there was someone with a dagger pushing it deeper and deeper into my chest and my stomach. I shivered from the cold, wishing I'd put a thicker jumper on. I leaned against the tree I was sitting in front of and closed my eyes. I saw his eyes again, but I refused to open my own. I swore I heard his voice in my head, whispering;

"_Why do you always run away, beautiful? Wouldn't you rather stick around and play?"_

I felt like I wanted to cry. But it was almost as if a brick wall had been pressed into my eyes and I couldn't see or let the tears escape.

"Hermione! Hermione, where did you go?" It was Malfoy, I knew it was but I didn't want to be found, I wanted to stay lost. The voice continued to go away. I rested my head on my knees, my arms wrapped around my legs. I heard my name again. As hard as you try and block something's out, they continue to find you. I figured that Ron, Harry and Ginny were looking around other parts of the forest for me, maybe even going to see if I was with Hagrid or Gwrap

"Leave me alone!" I called back, knowing the sound was muffled. I heard twigs cracking around me, but I didn't look up, I didn't even try to defend myself when I felt a hand wrap around my upper arm.

"Granger, come back to the castle"

"No" I mumbled into my knees.

"Why?" he asked, sitting down in front of me, legs crossed.

"Because I'll go up there and people will ask questions, ones that I am not prepared to answer and everywhere I look there will be another picture of him," I lifted my head "I see his face enough, thanks" I said, resting my chin on my knees. He rubbed his hands together and frowned.

"McGonagall wants you to come back" he said.

"So? Did she even see me leave?" I asked.

"Not sure. Why don't you just come back and we can-"

"SHUT UP! If I go back to the castle it's because I want to, not because I'm being forced." I cut him off. We sat in silence for a while. He was staring right at me while I was trying to look anywhere BUT him.

"There's a Heads and Prefects meeting in Hogsmede tomorrow, I think that's what McGonagall wanted to-"

"I'm not going" I cut him off again.

"You're Head Girl, Granger" he said. I was shocked he hadn't snapped at me for interrupting him twice. I looked at him, _tired _I thought.

"I bloody well know that, Malfoy" I spat, pulling out the space on my jumper that said 'Head Girl'

"Then come to the meeting" I noticed Malfoy wasn't wearing his badge. Obviously he just didn't care as much as I did. My mum and dad would have been so proud of me…

"Duff Town is close to Hogsmede. He could turn up while I'm there. What would I do then, Malfoy." I said, standing up and wiping the leaves and dirt of my jeans and hands.

"He won't attack you in the middle of a busy town full of students and qualified Wizards and Witches" He told me , following suit.

"Are you sure about that?" I turned my back on him and headed up to the castle without him.


	5. Chapter 5: Hes Back

**This is dedicated to Ayla after I forgot to warn her about the last chapter, sorry sweetie! 3  
>So when I write this fic I'm normally listen to All I Need by Within Temptation and sometimes I listen to Keep Holding On either by glee or Avril Lavigne! <strong>

**R&R please! 3**

"Hermione, are you okay?"

"What happened?"

"Hermione, earth to Hermione!"

Everyone was speaking to me and I was trying to block them out. I had to see Professor McGonagall before I did anything else; I needed someone to help me come up with a lie, even if I had to get Malfoy to help. I numbly made my way to Professor McGonagall's office when I realised I didn't know what the password was. Oh well, if I had to sit here all day then I would, there was no way that meeting was going to be held in Hogsmede. About an hour passed with me just sitting outside her office, wondering where the hell she was and deducting points from first years whenever they ran past me before McGonagall finally came back to her office. I was shocked to see Arthur Weasley standing next to her.*

"Hey, Hermione. How's it going?" He asked smiling at me. I smiled back and shrugged my shoulders.

"Could be better." I said. I stood up and moved out of the way of the door. "Professor, I need to speak to you, if you don't mind." I told her. "After Mr Weasley, of course!" I added rather hastily.

"Oh no, no. You go first Hermione. It seems you have been waiting a lot longer to see the Head Mistress than I have." He smiled. I wondered for a moment how he'd been. He looked a little bit more tired than normal. Professor McGonagall muttered the password and ushered Mr Weasley and myself into her office and sat behind the large oak desk that once belonged to Dumbledore. I looked up to see his portrait, smiling in his sleep. I smiled to myself in the knowledge that even though the old headmaster was gone, he still watched over us.

"What was it you wished to talk about, Miss Granger?" Professor McGonagall asked as I sat one of the cushy arm chairs she sat in front of her desks for visitors.

"I was simply wondering if we could change the meeting place for the heads and prefects meeting tomorrow. I just think it would be more covenant to have it with in school grounds" I lied. She'd seen the paper so she probably had a good idea why I'd asked. She had a regrettable look on her face.

"I'm sorry, Miss Granger, but it's too late now to change the place, we wouldn't be able to tell everyone and inform the Thee Broom Sticks that we won't need there meeting space" I looked crestfallen. My face fell, what if he turned up. I sighed before speaking again.

"Professor, you do realise what-"

"I know why you wish to change location, Miss Granger and I fully understand but we just can't do it. Mr Malfoy will be there" she cut me off. I sighed and stood up.

"That was all, Professor. I'd better go, I've got homework," I smiled "It was nice seeing you again, Mr Weasley, say hello to the rest of the family?" I asked Mr Weasley.

"Yes, of course. See you at Christmas?"

"Perhaps" I smiled and left Professor McGonagall's office cursing silently under my breath.

The next day I woke early to the sound of rain. Suited my mood.

Despite the fact I knew Malfoy was going to be with me the entire time, seeing as he had been made Head boy shortly after school started due to Michael Corner not coming back after the summer, and there would be all the prefects, I was going to be fine, I knew that he would keep me safe if it was needed and with any luck it wouldn't be.

After dressing in my Hogwarts robes, I headed down the stairs to the Great Hall for breakfast. I'd carefully avoided everyone after yesterday and much to my dismay, Harry, Ron and Malfoy were all sitting around the table eating. As my mind continued to clear, I remembered that Malfoy and I had a meeting tonight. Same time, same place. Walking as slowly as I could without looking like an idiot, I made my way to the table, sitting opposite Malfoy.

"Morning, Boys" I said pulling a large pile of scrambled eggs towards and dishing them on to my plate. I grabbed two pieces of toast and proceeded to look out the window.

"Morning, Mione. How are you?" Ron asked tentatively, much the same way he did when he knew I was angry.

"Fine, you?" I replied, acting as though nothing happened.

"Good, good." Harry smiled at me over his pumpkin juice, smiling back, I started playing with my eggs, I was suddenly not very hungry.

"You going to help me with transfiguration tonight, Granger" Malfoy asked,

"If I'm up to it." The owls were starting to entire the hall, one of the carrying Ronald's _Prophet. _I was dreading the thought that there would be more news

"Want to read?" Ron asked through a mouthful of food, handing me the paper. There was another picture of him on the front and I shook my head mutely. I looked up at the top table where I saw Professor McGonagall looking at me with worry in her eyes

"Meeting starts in ten. We better be going. Coming Granger?" I heard Malfoy ask, I nodded and told the boys I'd see them later and headed out the door after Malfoy.

"You okay?" He asked when we reached the doors into the courtyard.

"Fine" I lied, looking up at him, he looked a little tired but still strangely handsome. I smiled at people as they walked past and saw some Slytherin's whispering at me and Malfoy and I shrunk back into myself, putting my head down and looking ashamed. Did they know what had happened? How many people knew?

"Hey Ginny, are you coming to the meeting. Everyone is supposed to be there." I said when I saw the flame haired witch with Luna. Both Luna and Ginny had been made prefects, Mrs Weasley was so proud of her! And I was totally proud of Luna, it'd been a real confidence boost for her.

"Of course! Mind if we walk with you?" Luna asked.

"No" Malfoy smiled at the younger girl and we walked in silence until we got to the Hogs Head where we were meeting the other prefects.

Ginny, Dean, Pansy, Blasie Zabini, Hannah Abbot, Zacharis Smith, Luna and Pavarti were the eight prefects that roamed the corridors at night and helped Malfoy and myself with anything that we needed help with.

"Hello everyone!" I said cheerfully when I saw them all waiting for us. They had done anything and everything we had asked them to do; even Pansy who we all knew still hated me and was madly in love with Malfoy.  
>After a quick 'Hello' and a quick discussion on how things had been for the prefects, instructions about students that needed to leave for Christmas and handing out a new list of things that Filch has banned I got on to a much more interesting topic that put a smile on the face of every female in the room.<p>

"Professor McGonagall has given Malfoy and myself permission to have an end of year dance. Open to anyone from grade 4 up unless invited and there will be speeches made, thank yous and a special dinner to say good bye to the seventh years. What does everyone think?" I asked, all the girls looked excited and the boys were shrugging and nodding, Dean said it'd be fun and everyone else agreed.

"So, we'll meet in a fortnight's time to discuss anything that may need to be discussed. If you need anything in the meantime don't hesitate to ask me or Granger" and with that everyone left. I stacked up a few papers and put them Malfoy's bag, and handed it to him.

"That went well" He smiled at me, I gave a small smile in return.

"Besides all the dirty looks from Pansy, yes." I agreed, it had gone a lot better than the last time when Pansy had called me a dis-organised Mudblood whore, but that was common place.

"I still don't know why she hates you so much" Malfoy said opening the door for me.

"Thanks, It's because I'm a Mud-" I'd turned to look outside the door and saw Him leaning against the shop opposite, one foot resting on the wall behind him, arms folded across his chest and staring intently at the door. He looked up at the sound of my voice and stared at the place where I was rooted to the spot. He winked at me before turning on the spot and disaperating. I'd frozen, I couldn't breathe properly, my heart was hammering against my ribs, and I couldn't feel.

"Granger? What's wrong?" Malfoy asked looking over my head. I tried to control my breathing before speaking.

"I saw … I saw Him"

"What?" Malfoy asked in disbelief.

"He was leaning against that building" I muttered, I felt a shiver run down my spine, maybe I'd imagined it... I hoped I'd imagined it. Draco gave me a little nudge and I left the door way realising I'd blocked the door for some elderly witches.  
>We walked out of Hogsmede together in silence; about five minutes before we got to the Hogwarts, Draco stopped me.<p>

"What is it?" I asked, looking up at him.

"I thought I saw something moving" He told me pointing at the trees surrounding the castle I was so desperate to get back to.

"I don't see anything…" I muttered a little annoyed that we were still standing in the cold when there was someone out there that I would rather not bump into. I waited for him to say something and it was then I realised his hand had grabbed mine to stop me. I listened out for something as we stood still for a couple of minutes but heard only the birds. Malfoy moved about three feet away from me, searching behind some trees, I started moving towards the castle, I didn't care how long he wasted, I wanted to get out of the cold and back to safety. I'd only taken about two or three steps when I felt something on my shoulder. I didn't turn around instantly instead I stood totally still, not saying a word and not breathing.

"Hello Beautiful." A voice whispered, I spun round to see Him standing behind me, smirking. I let out a blood curdling scream, dropped to my knees and put my hands over my face, collecting the tears that fell. Malfoy ran towards me, dropping to his knees, he attempted to put his hand on my shoulder but I pulled away.

"What? What happened? Who was it?" Malfoy rushed his questions, making them sound like one long word.

"I… how did he…" I rubbed at my eyes and stood up, rubbing at my lower arms and wrists. Shit what was going on. How did he get this close to the castle without anyone seeing?

"It was him, wasn't it?" Malfoy asked, I nodded. "Come on, we need to get you back to the castle, get you something for your shock. Madam Pomfrey –"

"There is really no need for that. I'm fine…" I muttered, it was barely audible because I spoke so quietly, rubbing my hand up and down my arm, trying to block out the cold.

"Oh for, fucks sake, Granger. Don't give me that bull shit!" He grabbed my arm and started dragging me back to the castle, I tried pulling away but his grip was too strong. Silent tears were falling down my cheeks.

"And what do you propose we do when we get there, huh?" I asked as I dug my heels into the ground in an attempt to get him to stop. He did.

"I'm going to take you to Madame Pomfrey to get a tonic for your nerves and some dreamless sleep potion and get McGonagall so you can tell her what's going on! Understood?" It didn't sound like a question and the rain was starting to fall now. I wanted to get inside and do something to take my mind of this, not talk to people about it.

"I already told you, I'm not talking to her! I'm going to help Ginny with some homework in the library and then go to bed." I still trusted McGonagall a little bit but I couldn't trust her to the full extent after the stunt she'd pulled with Malfoy

"What about tonight?" He asked, stopping to stare at me

"I'm not coming"

It was half six and I was making my way back to the room, well aware I was half an hour late. I didn't care, it was all he deserved. Okay, that's not true. He's been very helpful the last few days.  
>It was dark in the corridors and the wind was howling outside, scaring me half to death and making me jump every few feet, so much for Gryffindor courage. My shoes were making a loud clicking noise against the hard wood floor, as I made my way to the door. I didn't even bother to knock, I just opened the door, my eyes searching the room before I stepped over the thresh hold. I couldn't see Malfoy but I stepped into the room anyway. There were candle lit all around the room casting strange shadows against the walls.<p>

"I thought you weren't coming" Came a voice from the chair with its back to the door. No wonder I couldn't see him.

"Neither did I" I said making my way to my seat, my body making a soft thud against the leather.

"What changed?" He looked worried. There were lines in his brow and a mixture of confusion and hurt in his eyes. _Hurt? _I thought.

"I didn't want to be alone" I said quietly.

"Sorry, say that again?" He asked. Clearly he hadn't heard me or he was being a smartass.

"I said that I didn't want to be alone. Any company is better than none right now" I repeated a little louder, looking at him but unable to catch his eyes.

"But you wouldn't be alone. Weren't you with Potter and Weasley?" He asked

"No. I was in the library, towards the back, all by myself. I didn't want anyone to see me that way" I mumbled, wringing my hands together.

"See you what way, Granger?" He looked concerned again and this time it was a mixture of concern and fear in my eyes.

"Crying, rocking backwards and forwards on the spot, mumbling things" Why was I telling him this?

"What things?"

"I'm sorry, I hate you, if you're going to do it, do it right…" I trailed of, wishing I could stop the prickling in my eyes that meant the flood was about to begin.

"Do what right?"

"Kill me"

SO what do you guys think? Please R&R! I want to know that someone is still reading.

I know all my chapters are short! I've been trying to fix that and at this rate nothing but I promise the next one will be longer! It's the last chapter before the Christmas holidays and there are a lot of things Hermione has to work out. Also, major thing with Ron MIGHT be coming your way! It's undecided as of late!


	6. Chapter 6: Kill Me

**HELLO EVERYONE! So this is chapter 6 and it has 6 pages (go figure) This chapter is entirely dedicated to Jasmin. She is amazing, I love her. Burnt Toast and yes, they will do it. 3 3**  
><strong>If you are going to read this, please R&amp;R! It would mean a lot. NO FLAMES PLEASE! Just constructive criticism.<strong>

**Sorry for the long wait, I had a Draco Malfoy essay to write.**

**I don't own Harry Potter, just the idea for this fic. If I owned JK Rowling, I'd live in Scotland and be rolling in cash… life would be brilliant.**

* * *

><p>"What do you mean, kill you?" I noticed him sit up a little further in his chair.<p>

"That's what he's trying to do, isn't it? Kill me? Or at least drive me insane" I told the blond boy sitting across from me. He picked up the mug of what appeared to be cold coffee of butterbeer, which wouldn't have tasted very nice. I pulled out my wand and waved it in a semi-circle over his mug until stem started to rise from it and it began to burn his hands, he put it back on the coffee table with a small thud before lifting his head to speak to me.

"How do you do that?" He asked me, I looked puzzled. "How do you manage to cast perfect spells even under pressure, even when there are bigger more important things on your mind?"

"I. . . I don't know. I guess I've just never really thought about it." I shrugged.

"Not even when you were learning new spells?" He asked leaning back in his chair, stretching his arms over his head.

"No, I guess I just did as they said and it came easily to me."

"Have you always been this gifted?" He smiled at the slightly shocked look on my face. Was he complementing me?

"No, I wasn't the top of any classes at my old Muggle school but I wasn't at the bottom either. When I came here I wanted to prove to my parents that I was smart and so I got stuck in straight away." I confessed.

"Really? Tell me about these Muggle schools" He leaned forward, clearly he was trying to take my mind of things and it was working too. Soon I was explaining to him what a swing set was and about how our school canteens and assembly's worked. He pulled a few faces sometimes but I just laughed them off, yes I laughed. We talked for about an hour before we got down to some more serious stuff.

"So, what did you want to do tonight?" He asked, his breathing slightly heavy due to the excessive laughing he had done while I was explaining a T.V to him.

"I don't want to talk about today" I said, that was what I wanted to be the last thing on my mind.

"How about what has been stressing you out?" He asked, picking up his pad paper and pen again, looking serious.

"Well, there is all the Head Girl duties but I can't get out of those, I've got a lot more homework than normal which is keeping me up later at night and when I do get a few hours rest, it's usually interrupted by a nightmare and I can't get back to sleep." I told him, leaning back in the chair, did it feel softer than last time? Probably not, probably just my tired and sore bones sinking into the plush cushioning.

"What about Potter and Weasley?" He asked

"What about them?"

"Are you still doing their homework?"

"I- Well, yes I guess. I don't do quite as much as I used to but I do more of Ron's than Harry's, he never stays up-to-date with his work, especially potions" And there it was again, that feeling that I could tell this man anything and everything and know that not another soul would hear about it.

"Have you told them you can't help them anymore?" He wanted to know. _Evidently not_

"How can I? If they fail all their classes then they won't get anywhere. They are my best friends, I can't let them fail all their classes!" I told them.

"But if the situation was reversed?" He asked, tapping his quill against the pad paper and it suddenly occurred to me that I had no idea where he got normal pad paper from.

"What do you mean?" I asked

"If you weren't doing well in a class but Potter or Weasley were, would they be as willing to help you?" I thought about it for a few minutes. It was actually a good question. If I was the one that struggled would they help me?

"No, no I don't think they would." I said honestly. I looked up at him through my eye lashes and noticed for the first time that his white button up school shirt had two buttons undone and I could only just see the top of his chest, I could see he'd gotten his Quidditch muscle back and I had an unnerving desire to run my hands over his chest.

"Earth to Granger" Draco said waving his hand in my face and I was snapped back into reality, what was I thinking, thinking those things about Malfoy!

"Sorry, what?" I asked, Draco was just shaking his head.

"I said that you need to tell them that you can't keep helping them. Let them down slowly though so just stop doing as much instead of stopping all together. I'm not asking you to let the witless wonders fail class but don't let them lean on you" He said and for some reason I didn't even care that he insulted my best friend.

"Yeah, yeah maybe I should. I've got seven essays all at various lengths and I can't do my own and Harry and Ron's, help Ginny, do all the things I need to do for Head Girl duties and keep on helping Madam Pince in the library." I said, when I looked at Draco, I noticed him staring at me, mouth agape.

"You do all that?" He asked, I nodded. "And you don't sleep?" He wanted to know.

"I do, but for about half an hour, an hour a night before the nightmares get too much" I muttered. Draco looked at his watch and his eyes grew in shock.

"Is that the time? You better be going Granger, it's nearly midnight and I'd hate to steal your half hour of sleep" As he spoke, I wasn't sure if he was being a smartass or not. I thought about asking but decided against it.

"This is the last time we'll do this before the holidays, isn't it?" I asked as he gathered his things and levitated his now empty mug to the sink; this room really is all decked out.

"Yes, I presume you are one of the few taking the train?" He asked, I nodded. "Well, Merry Christmas, Granger." He said before leaning towards me and kissing me on the cheek. As he left the room, leaving the door open behind him, I placed my hand over my cheek, unsure what to make of his kiss.

I didn't actually get to sleep until about two o'clock. I'd sat in the common room for a little bit, completing my potions and Arithmacy essay before my eyes could no longer stay open. Rubbing my eyes, I leaned back on the couch and allowed the warmth of the fire to rush over me. I began to think about Malfoy's kiss. It didn't make sense, why had he kissed me on the cheek? Normally when he says good bye to me, he waves and leaves, not once has he alluded to there being anything more. I rubbed at my eyes again. Too much had gone on today and I was reading far too into this. It was just a peck, he was simply worried about me after what had happened to me today. I piled my books up in my arms and as I headed up the stairs I heard something behind me, unable to make it out I continued on my way to the girls dormitory when the sound came again but this time, it was followed by a cough. I flung my head around to see who had made the noise to see him standing against the wall.

"Hello Princess" He said just loud enough for me to hear. I wanted to scream but it seemed like someone or something had put a stopper in my throat. He sauntered across the room to me, reached out and grabbed my arm, I went to scream again, feeling my voice returning, but his hand was over my mouth before even a squeak could escape.

"Don't scream, lovely. You'll just make things worse for yourself" He pulled my arm and my books went cascading to the floor with a loud bang. I had hoped beyond all hope that someone had heard it. He yanked at my arm again, pulling me to the middle of the common room, his fingers digging into my skin, there would be a bruise there in the morning. He threw me onto the couch, bad move. I went to grab my wand but with a flick of his wrist it went flying from my hand.

"Uh, uh, uh" he tutted, shaking a finger at me. He was so close now that I could feel his breath against my face, a hand was shaking my arm and someone was saying my name over and over again. That's when I woke up.

"Hermione, Hermione! Wake up!" A thick Scottish accent yelled at me. My eyes shot open and I saw three worried faces looking down at me. One belonging to my red headed friend, Ginny. The next face I came upon was the one that belonged to the voice that awoke me, Professor McGonagall and the third was Katie Bell, who had come back to complete school properly and shared my room.

"Miss Granger, are you alright?" Professor McGonagall asked. I looked at her confused for a few seconds before I realised I must have said something in my sleep. I looked down at myself, noticing that my blankets were down around my feet and some were stained with blood. When I looked at my long sleeved pyjamas I noticed my left sleeve was drenched in blood. Some of the scabs must have come off during my tossing and turning. I sat up, hand on head to steady my self, I felt a little dizzy.

"What happened?" I asked, I looked between the three woman standing around my bed, Professor McGonagall looked at Katie for the answer.

"Well, I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about Christmas holidays when I saw you tossing and turning. I figured you were just having another one of your bad dreams until you screamed. Then I saw the blood and you screamed again. You were saying something as well; 'Please stop' I think it was" Katie finished with a shrug. I buried my face in my hands and let a few tears slip out.

"Miss Granger. We need to talk." Professor McGonagall stared pointedly at my two friends and they left the room. The first thing she did was cast a couple of spells on the room. A silencing charm as well as locking the door.

"What time is it?" I asked, my voice muffled from my hands

"Nearly half one" she replied. I felt her wait on the side of my bed, he hand reached out to touch my shoulder but I pulled back out of instinct. For her credit, she didn't look hurt. "Did something happen today that I should know about?" I looked up to her and wiped my eyes on my clean sleeve.

"Malfoy told you, didn't he?" I sniffed.

"Yes, he did. I don't want you to be mad though, he did the right thing. Why didn't you tell me, Hermione?" She asked, concern flooding her features.

"Because I didn't want to worry you" I lied. In truth, I just didn't like the thought of more people knowing what had happened, I wanted to prove I was strong by handling it myself.

"I'm here to listen to you, Hermione. Did you want to go to the hospital wing to get cleaned up?" She asked.

"No, I want to go for a walk if that's okay" I said, swinging my legs over the side of my bed, she nodded and helped me with my dressing gown. She lifted the spells, and opened the door for me, letting me out. I thanked her and headed straight for the Fat Lady's portrait. I heard Professor McGonagall talking to Ginny and Katie, telling them I was going for a walk and to go to bed. I didn't know where I was headed. I let my heart guide the way to the place where I knew I was safest. About ten minutes later I found myself outside Malfoy's private bed room. All the Heads had one, I had one but I gave it up in favour of sharing a room with someone else. I lifted my arm to knock of his door, the bloody sleeve of my pyjamas clinging to my arm and annoying me. I knocked three times, hoping he was awake. I heard feet shuffling inside, and the sound of a door being unlocked. When it opened, there stood Draco Malfoy in nothing but his boxer shorts, his chest was as muscly and beautiful as I thought and the need to touch him ran through me again. His eyes were heavy with sleep and when he spoke his voice was groggy.

"Granger, what are you-" His eyes connected with my arm and he noticed the blood, then looked at my face seeing my tear stained face. "Fuck, what happened?" He opened the door and lead me into the room. It was large enough to fit a small kitchenette, two couches, a coffee table, and there were two doors leading off the room presumably a bathroom and a bed room. I sat myself on one of the black leather couches and he was quick to my side, placing a hand on either side of my face causing me too flinch.

"What happened? Let me see" He said, removing his hands from my face. He sounded so calm and it was slightly unnerving. I slowly pulled up my sleeve, cringing slightly as it pulled at my skin where it had stuck. What I saw was not quite what I'd expected. Of the six scars on my arm the only one that had started bleeding was the one reading 'Mudblood'. All the self-inflicted ones, that were still only about two weeks old, had all lost their scabs and had bleed for what appeared to be a longish period of time. And here I was thinking they had started to heal.  
>As Malfoy pulled out his wand to heal them and clean the blood, I realised he was the first person who has ever seen my scars, save Professor McGonagall.<p>

"You know, when McGonagall told me that you had harmed, I thought she meant a few cuts, not very deep etc but it appears I was wrong" He said as he healed the second scar.

"Wait, she didn't you I attempted to. . . " I trailed off, looking confused.

"To kill yourself? No, she didn't. She asked me to help because you'd selfharmed but I started to think that you may have attempted suicide during our first talk together." He said moving on to the next one.

"Really?"

"Yes" I nodded and leaned back, closing my eyes for a few seconds, giving a deep sigh. I opened my eyes again to see Malfoy had finished and was staring at me.

"Do you want to go back to bed? I can walk you?" I shook my head at his words. The last thing I wanted to do was go back to my dormitory and face my friends who were no doubt bursting with questions.

"Can I just stay here, on the couch?" I asked.

"No way. You are not sleeping on my couch. If you are going to stay here you are taking the bed" Who knew Draco Malfoy had all these manors.

"I can't take your bed, Malfoy. What happens if my arm starts bleeding again?" I asked

" Look, Granger. I really don't care. It's just some bed sheets. I don't mind sleeping on a couch" He said and I wondered if he'd slept on a couch before.

"No, I'll feel bad, really, Malfoy. I'll sleep on the couch, I've slept on worse things before. " I smiled. After a couple of minutes in silence he agreed but told me I couldn't sleep in my bloodied top.

"Well than what AM I going to sleep in?" I asked.

"Hold on a second" Malfoy left the room and went through into what I guessed was his bedroom. It took him about three or four minutes before he came back holding an emerald green t-shirt with the Slytherin emblem on the front.

"Here you go" He said handing it too me. I looked up at, my eyebrows raised.

"What do you want me to do with that?" I asked, taking the shirt out of his hands and holding up against me. It came to about mid-thigh and even though I knew it would be too big for me, it would still probably be a little bit tight.

"Wear it, Granger" he rolled his eyes at me and tried to stop himself laughing at me when he saw the look on my face. "It won't kill you, you know. Go in there and put it on" He told me pointing to the other door. I walked over to it, turned the nob and was pleasantly surprised. The bathroom that I presumed would be green and silver to represent Malfoy's house was a very neutral black and white. The bath was white with black tiles on the floor and walls, it was a nice size and looked similar to my own, except the colours were reversed. I pulled off my own shirt and pyjama shorts and pulled his green one. It came to mid-thigh as predicted and was way too big, it bulged everywhere but I didn't care. It was warm and it smelt like him; parchment, toothpaste and freshly mown grass. Who knew that when I smelt Amortentia I smelt Draco not Ron? I shrugged and looked at myself in the mirror above his sink. I looked a lot paler than usual and my eyes had dark rings around them. My hair was flying everywhere. Malfoy must have thought I looked a right state. I looked as bad as I felt. The skin on my left arm looked paler than the rest dur to the red lines that covered it, it was quite ghastly to look at. I left the room to see Draco had retrieved a couple of dark green pillows and a thick blanket that was the same green as the shirt I had on. I was in the couch that was closest to fire with my head furthest away from the fire so my head didn't get too hot.

"Thanks, Malfoy. This means a lot" I said. He nodded, straightening out the last wrinkle in the bedding.

"Anytime, Granger. I'll be going to bed, yell if you need me. Night" he smiled, I smiled back and snuggled into the bedding. I rested my arms behind my head and looked up at the celling, sighing. I stared at the celling for a long time, noticing the intricate gold and silver lines that swirled together to form vines and leaves against the dark black. Each leaf was colored in deep red, emerald green or alternating between silver and gold. I noticed they changed between the two. Red with silver and green with red and I was instantly reminded of Gryffindor. I made a note to check the celling in my own room tomorrow.

It was probably half an hour later and I was cold and I couldn't sleep. I'd tried sleeping on my left, my right, my stomach and my back, nothing worked. I wondered for a moment if I should have taken the bed. I sighed deeply and sat up, yawning. I was more tired tonight than I had been in a while. I stood up, leaving the blankets hanging off the side of the couch and made my way across the room to Malfoy's bed room door. I thought about knocking but decided against it, I turned the nob finding it unlocked and pushed it open, silently. Draco had his back to the wall, was facing the wall. His bed was quite large and he looked really peaceful. He still didn't have a shirt on but I didn't care. I tip-toed to the bed and pulled the blankets back a little, making sure not to make too much noise, I slipped under the covers and wrapped my arms under one of the pillows. I wondered what Malfoy will think when he wakes up in the morning. As if I'd said his name out loud and he'd heard me, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled my back flush to his stomach. I was warm and I didn't even think about anything that had happened in my past the only thing I thought of as I drifted off to sleep was that I was safe and the why he'd sighed my name before he too, feel asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, what does everyone think? This is my longest chapter, but it's still not too long I know. I didn't intend this chapter to go this way, it just did. Next chapter will be… slow maybe… I don't know but Hermione is spending Christmas at the Weasley house. Should be intresting… I hope it wont take too long to get it up! I hope everyone had fun celebrating Tom Felton's birthday, I know I did ;)<strong>


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